Together Alone
by madpsychogirl
Summary: Missing scenes from 4x05 'Monster Movie'. Dean/Jamie.


**Title:** Together;Alone

**Pairing:** Dean/Jamie

**Rating:** PG-13

**A/N:** Birthday fic for Jamie :D Beta'd by the amazing Louise :)

Enjoy :)

***

If Dean regretted anything about being a hunter, this was most certainly near the top of the list. It was the feeling that gripped him tight, and wouldn't let go. The feeling of her breath across his bare chest. The feeling of belonging.

Jamie exhaled deeply while she slept, and Dean couldn't help but smile. Considering what she'd been through with the shapeshifter tonight, she'd reacted to it amazingly well. Not many people did.

He and Sam would be leaving in the morning. Sam had mentioned something about Colorado before Dean had left the motel to see Jamie, and Dean was eager to get back on the road. The longer he stayed here, the harder it would be to leave.

"Dean?" Jamie mumbled, her voice thick with sleep.

Looking down at her, he wondered what had possessed him to tell her the truth. He and Sam had sworn that they couldn't tell anyone unless it was absolutely necessary, a last resort. Was this what Jamie was to him? A last resort? Something to help him forget the pain, and allow him to pretend he was normal? Was Jamie his attempt to relive the days when the company of a nameless woman could drive the fears from his mind, if only for a little while?

The difference now was that she wasn't nameless, and for once, he couldn't shift the desire to stay right there with her. Forever.

"Hey, Jamie," he whispered, leaning forward to kiss her forehead. "You ok?"

"Mmmm." She kissed his chest, her fingers trailing circles across his arm. "When do you leave?"

"In a few hours." Dean sighed, closing his eyes. He'd need the sleep when he and Sam left for their next hunt, and this may be his last chance of it being nightmare-free.

Jamie pulled him closer, and Dean couldn't help but wonder if things would ever get close to 'normal'. Would he and Sammy have the opportunity to have a serious relationship or even children? Could they really bring a child into this world? A world full of demons and violence and pure evil.

No hunter ever chose this life. They were thrust into it without an argument. If the Djinn hadn't sent him back, Dean would have no idea what he was missing. But this was his life, and always would be. Innocent people needed him more than he needed a family. He sometimes hated it, and wanted to know why it was their job, but deep down he was proud of the work that he did; following in his father's footsteps.

They kept people safe, killed the evil sons-of-bitches that preyed on innocent people. Dean loved being on the road, working side by side with his brother. He loved the fact that he and Sam were so close. He trusted Sam, but sometimes he wanted more for his little brother. He wanted to feel safe for once, instead of having to sleep with a knife under his pillow and a salt line across the windows and doors. Sam was his main concern; Dean wasn't sure he could handle a wife and child as well.

Sighing deeply, Dean tried to focus. He needed to sleep soon otherwise there'd be no way he'd be able to drive to Colorado. Then again, if he thought anymore about getting married and having kids, he wouldn't be leaving at all.

Jamie kissed his neck, sweeping across to his collarbone. Snaking a hand up to run her fingers through his hair, Jamie grinned into his skin as he groaned in anticipation.

Maybe he'd let Sam drive.

***

When Dean handed the keys to his brother as they reached the Impala, no words were spoken, no patronising looks exchanged nor remarks made. Sam simply slid behind the wheel while Dean clambered into the back, closing his eyes to avoid conversation. Dean was aware that they should catch up before they got to Colorado, but he needed to think.

About an hour into the journey, Dean broke the silence with a loud groan, eliciting a laugh from Sam.

"Damn station you listening to, Sammy?" he croaked, hiding the grin in the crook of his elbow. Sam reached out and turned the volume up regardless. Dean grimaced as the music blasted his eardrums. "Alright, alright!" he shouted, sitting up. "Jeez."

Sam shut off the music and a few moments passed filled with nothing more than their laughter. Dean rolled his eyes; this was so unlike him, but he had to ask. He needed to know.

"Sammy?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you… I mean… Have you ever…"

"I do not want to hear about your night, ok, Dean? That's going a little too far. I saw enough to scar me for life the last time you slept with someone after cheating death," he chuckled nervously.

"No, you idiot. I'm trying to be serious here."

"Sorry," Sam smiled. "Keep going."

"You ever think about kids?"

"Like?"

"Kids. Your kids. Being a father someday."

"Wow, Dean, was that a proposal? Because you know a man can't-"

"Forget it." Dean slumped back across the seat, tucking his hand behind his head, staring at the roof.

"I used to," Sam whispered, and Dean had to strain his ears over the Impala's engine to hear. "Before… With Jess." Dean swallowed back the lump in his throat, words failing him. He'd only met Jess once and damn was she hot. He also knew that she and Sam were good together. His little brother wasn't stupid. "Why'd you ask? Do you want-" he trailed off, glancing up at the rear-view mirror.

"Sometimes. Maybe. With someone like Jamie, though. You should have heard her talk about the future Sam. She's amazing." he smiled, staring wistfully into the distance.

"Do you want to go back?" Sam asked, and Dean recognised the tone as the same one he used right before they left Ankeny, Iowa a couple of years back. The Impala slowed, emphasising Sam's point. "We can, you know."

"No," Dean choked back, closing his eyes. "We can't."

"Dean-"

"I said no, Sammy. I've got my family. You're it. I can't risk having someone else there to lose. It would… I think it would kill me."

***

Sam concentrated on the road fighting the tears welling in his eyes. He wanted to help his brother, but didn't know how. Dean wasn't one to lean on anyone, least of all Sam, so he did as he was told and kept driving. Dean was right, they only had each other. As amazing as it would be to have a bigger family, they couldn't do that while they were hunters. There were too many risks, and they'd lost too many lives already. Neither of them were in any condition to lose any more.

He flicked the radio back on, allowing Dean a few moments to pull himself together. Metallica. He smiled ruefully; it seemed like a lifetime had passed since he'd given Dean a hard time about that old cassette tape, a lifetime since Dean had come to collect him from Stanford.

For a while, they laughed like normal brothers would. They weren't hunters or warriors; they were two brothers, on the road, having a good time.

***

Dean fidgeted in his seat, contemplating jumping up front. The insecurities were still there nagging at the back of his mind. Their time together may not have been any longer than the times he spent with those nameless women in the past, but this time was different. Jamie had opened his eyes to what he missed while he drove up and down the country hunting evil instead of working a normal 9 to 5 and only leaving the state for vacation. A world of innocence.

Some things were definitely more important, though; as he watched his brother drive them to their next hunt, he knew that as long as the two of them had each other, he would be happy with the life they had.

***


End file.
